Until recently, I thought all the derogatory attorney jokes were just jokes. My recent experiences have shown they aren't jokes at all, and that many attorneys are despicable examples of human beings.
I have decided to fight back against their arrogance and supercilious self-importance.
I have created a little document that I shall require any attorney who represents me to check affirmative boxes and sign BEFORE I pay him or her a penny or give up any information about me.
Read it and let me know what you think.
Bob Hurt
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ATTORNEY ATTESTATION TO CLIENT
I, the undersigned attorney, hereby attest as follows, without any duress or mental reservation:
1. I accept ______________________________ (“Client”) as my law client.
2. I (shall / shall not) do my utmost in the tasks for which Client has retained me, as may be identified by separate agreement, to answer Client’s questions truthfully, aggressively advocate Client’s cause, defend Client’s rights guaranteed by the U.S. and Florida Constitutions and laws pursuant thereto, and ensure that my employees and subcontractors fully support me in that effort.
3. I (shall / shall not) keep my agreements with Client, be punctual, and hand over to Client upon Client’s request all originals and copies of information provided to me by Client, including my own notes about Client, other than those that are of public record.
4. I (am / am not) a member in good standing of the Florida Bar.
5. I currently (am / am not) licensed by the Florida Supreme Court as an attorney and counselor at law in Florida courts.
6. As a judicial officer, and in accordance with Article VI of the U.S. Constitution Article and Article II Section 5(b) of the Florida Constitution Article, I (do / do not) affirm my oath of admission to the Florida Bar, to wit: “I do solemnly swear: I will support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of the State of Florida; I will maintain the respect due to courts of justice and judicial officers; I will not counsel or maintain any suit or proceedings which shall appear to me to be unjust, nor any defense except such as I believe to be honestly debatable under the law of the land; I will employ for the purpose of maintaining the causes confided to me such means only as are consistent with truth and honor, and will never seek to mislead the judge or jury by any artifice or false statement of fact or law; I will maintain the confidence and preserve inviolate the secrets of my clients, and will accept no compensation in connection with their business except from them or with their knowledge and approval; I will abstain from all offensive personality and advance no fact prejudicial to the honor or reputation of a party or witness, unless required by the justice of the cause with which I am charged; I will never reject, from any consideration personal to myself, the cause of the defenseless or oppressed, or delay anyone’s cause for lucre or malice. So help me God.”
7. This attestation (does / does not) supersede all contrary agreements except by specific reference in writing to one or more provisions herein, acknowledged in writing by Client.
______________________________ ______________________________ ______________
Attorney Signature Printed Name or Stamp Date
______________________________ ______________________________ ______________
Witness or Notary Signature Printed Name, Stamp, or Seal Date
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